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Recently, I had an opportunity to purchase a standing desk for days when I work from home. This resulted in moving my desk to a new location. I tend to favor not using virtual backgrounds and so I began considering background decor. Due to the wider frame behind me, I chose to purchase a plant for my kitchen table to make the backdrop more visually pleasing. Since I tend to not have the greenest of thumbs, I started small with a Calandiva plant from Trader Joe’s. It had lovely yellow buds and a sign behind it that said it could survive in low light and to only water when the soil was dry. This seemed like a foolproof plant, even for me! I was so excited for this plant to make her way into my sessions and hopefully feel peaceful to my clients who saw her. A part of me knew to water the plant infrequently, but I live in a dry climate in Southern California and there had been a heat wave, so I started watering her…every other day or so. Despite my best intentions, a few days later, I was shocked to find a plant that appeared to be completely dead. Her buds had shriveled up and fallen off, leaving me with a flowerless, colorless plant. I felt very sad, but recalled the instructions not to water her too often. So I chose to follow the instructions Trader Joe’s had provided and didn’t water her for two weeks. After pruning off all of the deceased buds, slowly, she started producing new ones. I couldn’t believe it. This is, of course, the natural life cycle of a plant, but to see new buds slowly forming felt rewarding as it was happening in front of my eyes. Currently, she is back in full bloom and I only water her when she actually needs it. I learned the balance of water and self-sufficiency that my plant needs - she is now thriving and I am able to enjoy her beauty again. My attention and the needs of my plant had found a sustainable alignment. This in-home gardening lesson has surfaced new awareness in me of the need for balance and what happens when misalignment occurs, whether from over or under doing something. In this example, the misalignment was between what my plant needed and what I was giving her. The result was a unique display of my plant trying to communicate its needs and me learning how to observe. All of this mirrors our human experiences on a daily basis. From minor aspects of life like not getting enough sleep or water to more impactful ones like feeling missed in a relationship, when our needs are not being properly attuned to, there are ramifications. I define “misalignment” simply as a need being present and that need not being met for any variety of reasons. Some examples of this may be: A plant needing at least a week between waterings and instead watering it almost daily for two weeks straight (we know how that went!) Noticing that you are putting in more hours than is reasonable at your job and needing more time in your day, but your company is structured in a way that self-advocacy is not being listened to. Waiting for an apology from a friend or family member that you asked for after expressing something they said hurt your feelings, but you feel unheard in their lack of initiating. Pursuing something practical rather than creative or risky despite feeling a pull to give the world something new based on your voice and lived experience. Feeling the physical desire to exercise and move your body more, but finding yourself prioritizing all the other important tasks of life over your health and wellness.
If any of those examples sound familiar, please know you are not alone. I could list countless examples from my own life and the lives of others I talk to about the incredibly common experience of knowing something isn’t clicking for you, but not knowing how or when to make a change so that your needs can be addressed. I can tell when I am “misaligned” when it feels like I am being pulled in multiple directions and feel exhausted and unfulfilled as a result. I feel it when activities that are good for me start to feel burdensome, like cooking or exercising, because my mind is churning trying to assess where my joy went. I feel it when I want to make time for friends, serving others, or taking time to myself, but life feels too busy to take time doing things that “aren’t productive”. So how do we become re-aligned? Great question. This starts with identifying the needs that you have as an individual human being. Once you become more aware of what you need, you can start constructing small and manageable steps towards meeting those needs. Over time, this practice will become more habitual and I would venture to imagine that you would start to feel more full, seen, and cared for by yourself and others. Every time you take a step towards alignment, you are communicating to yourself that your. needs. matter. These do not have to be grand gestures of self-care, although they could be. I’m thinking more of the fundamental needs to start out like making sure you have even a singular moment of quiet throughout your day if you have a need to reflect and reconnect with your own thoughts rather than being inundated constantly by the barrage of other people’s opinions, voices, and ideologies. Or creating chances to connect with loved ones via texting, social media, phone calls, or video calls if you have a need to feel close with family. Maybe even editing your photos and videos from a recent trip if you have a need to express yourself creatively. If you’re following the pattern, you see I am not implying that noticing a need and caring for it means upending the entirety of your life, but rather making small efforts to affirm for yourself that the longings you notice internally are valuable pieces of information about yourself. And they are worth taking stock of. Mountain clarity: So many aspects of nature have found sustainable balance. The circles of life we see in all organisms work beautifully to fulfill the function they were created for. We see this in the human made world as well - the photo above shows a balanced bridge that serves the function of safely moving a train. Its function and purpose are aligned. The need of safe transportation is met through the creation of a sturdy bridge. Our world is less effective and efficient when alignment is off and outside interventions disrupt the natural flow. What would it be like to become more in touch with the innate and natural flow within yourself and find a more reliable and sustainable sense of alignment that can be seen across all areas of life? Take time this month to pause and reflect on what factors feel like disruptions to your alignment - of seeing your needs and attuning to them. Maybe in the process, a greater sense of purpose and connectedness may arise. Journaling prompts for reflection: Can you remember the last time you checked in with yourself to assess your needs and how you could meet them? What does authenticity mean to you and how could you make more space in your schedule to honor your authentic self? Is there anything that feels out of alignment in your life? Are there any small steps that could be taken to start working your way towards life feeling more balanced? Do you have physical or emotional signs that come up consistently for you that you could name as a warning sign that life is slipping out of alignment? Or that you are too busy to meet the needs you know you have? Who could you reach out to to hold you accountable to take care of yourself and be mindful of your needs this month? What hurdles might prevent you from doing so?
(If you’re interested in how to properly care for a Calandiva plant, click here!)
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