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Nuance is everywhere in nature. There are very few animals, plants, or natural landscapes that could be reduced to one or two descriptor words. Rather, we describe them through noticing different shades of color, texture, patterns, hydration levels, sediment lines, temperature, seasonal bloom status, and so much more. The photo above demonstrates two natural weather and light patterns occurring at once - the moving clouds during a thunderstorm and a subtle, emerging rainbow. Both beautiful and both given the space to exist simultaneously. Why should our emotional landscape be any different? Throughout my life, I only gave myself permission to feel one specific emotion at any given time and ignore the rest. While some of that may have come from being an older sister and wanting to hold space for her, in general, I felt the pull to be and feel strong. Period. Other emotions may have popped up on occasion, but what I felt like my family needed from me was emotional strength. As I grew up, we went through what I can only describe as familial turbulence as we navigated health issues for both parents and emotional issues for my sister and I. It made sense to me suppress other, more nuanced feelings and show up as a strong, independent young person. Of course, there are certainly times and places for maintaining a tough exterior in the face of adversity such as emergencies. However, feeling like you need to be strong all the time, no matter what, and forsake any other emotions, can become counter-productive and misses all nuance that naturally exists inside of you. I would imagine there are a lot of us out there. The shock absorbers, the ones who would rather endure emotional hardship on their own than watch someone else go through it because we know our level of emotional resiliency. I have found myself hearing refrains like these lately, “I tried to be strong so that I wouldn’t be sad” or “I had to swallow my emotions and put on a brave face so that I didn’t take up too much space.” Have those thoughts ever crossed your mind? Our emotional world can start to feel messy and confusing when there isn’t enough space for all the emotions that come up on a day-to-day basis. The unfortunate truth is when we ignore emotions, they actually don’t go away. They can manifest in unhealthy ways. This could look like experiencing anxiety, perfectionism, addiction, overworking, emotional disconnection from self or others, tightness in your chest or stomach, or a lump in your throat that never goes away. The possibilities of how suppressing emotions can negatively impact you are endless. Our bodies and minds know when we don’t allow ourselves the space to attune to all that we are feeling. Some examples of acknowledging the spectrum of emotions could look like noticing feeling like you need to be strong while also naming you feel devastated about how your life is changing. Or disappointed AND raging angry when something doesn’t work out when an outcome was avoidable. Or brave AND terrified when you are about to face a fear or be vulnerable with someone. Or grieved AND relieved AND confused when a loved one who was suffering passes away. A common emotional pairing I see in my office is people who feel like they have to keep it all together on the outside by being strong AND are soulfully exhausted. Are you noticing a pattern here? We are nuanced beings. When we give ourselves permission and space to experience the complexity that comes with having multiple emotions at once, it reminds us of the depth of our humanity and makes us more relatable to others. Some healthy ways to practice making space for yourself could be: Interacting with the journaling prompts below and start to deep dive your emotional experiences on a daily basis. What do you notice? Practicing speaking your feelings out loud to close friends or family and pausing to reflect on if you named all of them. Imagine flipping over a nearly empty container of honey to make sure you get every last drop. This may take a little while, but taking your time will make for a richer, sweeter experience. Attending therapy sessions in order to better understand and articulate the multi-faceted parts of yourself. Imagine now dumping out a 1,000-piece puzzle and slowly flipping over all the pieces with your therapist. This is like taking the time to slowly and meticulously examine the full extent of your emotions to make sure “everything is out on the table”. As a spiritual practice, take some time to review the Psalms as an example of people who went through the gambit of emotions and yet, despite all the volatility, were still fully embraced and loved by God.
Mountain clarity: The material world mimics the natural world. In the same way, our emotional world can mimic what we see in nature and how we talk about nature. Remember, it would feel silly to wish a sunset were only one color or that the ocean waves would only have one height. We celebrate the variety in nature. It’s certainly what keeps me coming back for more - you will never hike the same trail twice as it is always changing in little, and sometimes, big ways. You do not need to reduce your emotional world into a singular experience because it would be easier for others to understand. Embrace all of yourself and find people who can hold and celebrate your beautiful, natural complexities with you. Journaling prompts for reflection: Do you ever notice yourself minimizing the full spectrum of your emotions? What would you need in order to feel comfortable expressing all of those feelings? Do you feel like there are certain emotions that are more acceptable in your family, in society, or to yourself than others? Do you have people in your life who you could share about complex emotional experiences with? If not, is there someone you could reach out to and start building that connection"? Have you ever noticed your emotions manifesting physically because you were not giving yourself space to acknowledge the breadth of your emotional experience? If yes, what are some ways you could better express yourself in the future?
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